How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Come see our sink grown plant.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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