I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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