I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I wish you could order shots online.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
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