sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I need help removing her.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
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