One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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