guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
