How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
