If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
