My Higher Power is John Stamos
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
