dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Randomize
