I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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