I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
