dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
