wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
