Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
