Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Randomize
