Are we in a gay sports bar?
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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