I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Randomize