Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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