those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
In other news, I just burned my penis
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Randomize
