I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
