he wants to bone in the snuggie
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
