I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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