He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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