when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
