Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
