i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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