Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
