it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
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