If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
