I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
