like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
