her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
