69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
