just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I feel like a drive thru vagina
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
