Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize