Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Just pee around me
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
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