It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I want to be your penis for a week.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
