mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
