When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
