I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
