Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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