I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
