she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
