I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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