it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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