obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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