Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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