Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
