Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
