Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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