Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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