I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
