you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
