Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
