so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
