glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
