the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
