Need sex. Gaining weight.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize