He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
