My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize