I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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