You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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