at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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