we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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