I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
