actually, I'm a sock model
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
