Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
