They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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