god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
