i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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