so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
