I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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