she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
