i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
