my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
