She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
We don't watch enough power rangers
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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