Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Randomize
