There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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