i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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