you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Randomize
