Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
