oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
