I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
