these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
