i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Randomize
