I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
