she's into porn, im staying here tonight
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize