If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
