She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
