She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
