home. puking in laundry basket.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Randomize
