Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
