And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize