babies were throwing up all over the place
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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