Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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