no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize