Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
