this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
