Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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