She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
