Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
