My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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