He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
