I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
