she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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