Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I didn't notice because vodka
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
