I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
