are you still at the devil's house?
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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