it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize