i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
