Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
