I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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