I molested 6 butterflies tonight
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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