how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
