so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Randomize
