Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Randomize
