what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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