If that was your dad, he is hot
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
