You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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